giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
