Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
