Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
