The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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