Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
