meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
