seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
