Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
