dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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