Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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