She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
