They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
