So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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