We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
