you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
