Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
