now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
