I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
