your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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