I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
