Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
