i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
