Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
