if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Someone signed my nipple.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
