actually, I'm a sock model
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
