No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
