i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
