his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
