Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
