I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
