I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
