He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
