my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
