I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She said her name was "party"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
