there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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