Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
