If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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