My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
