somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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