I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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