Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
