I showed him my bush... on skype.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
