i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
