I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
