i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
