I skipped work to stalk him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
