Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
