that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
