what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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