Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
