have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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